Okay I’m supposed to be studying for the economics lecture test tomorrow, but I shall just take a break and update this forgotten blog.

Last week we had a particular GP lesson that was particularly fruitless. (Okay sometimes we do have useful GP lessons, SOMETIMES, but that is beside the point.) Our dear GP tutor forgot to censor some sexual references in the article he distributed to the class, and this caused a lot of fun for the guys and a lot of discomfort for the girls in general.

The guys kept laughing at porn jokes and sexual references such that it got rather annoying. To us girls, those jokes aren’t even humorous. We just ignored the guys and tried to continue with the task that we had been given, but it was seriously getting on our nerves the way the guys kept laughing and making silly and undesirable comments.

The guys came up with all kinds of sick jokes and stuff and started laughing like hyenas. HYENAS. The way they laughed made me feel very scared. It gave me the feeling that I was surrounded by predators. Especially when I looked at the way some of my classmates laughed.

Guys will be guys in the aspect that they are curious about this kind of thing at this age. Of course, we are all learning about the world as we grow up, but there is really no need to kick up such a fuss about stuff that falls into this area. We are mature enough to know about this stuff, and keep it in mind but move on. But some guys simply find fun out of this whole topic and talk about it non-stop in such crude ways. They don’t even censor any of this crap when they know that there are girls in the room, and girls generally find such talk quite disturbing. Moreover, it is a lesson after all. Such talk should be kept for after school with guys only. The whole lesson was simply wasted talking about porn and sex.

Some guys don’t realize that they have graduated from high school and moved into JC. Why do I say this? Because they don’t know how to be sensitive due to the fact that there are girls around. They are no longer in an all-guys environment where they can talk about anything they want with no restraint. Yet they behave like nothing has changed. They may have intellect, to be able to come to JC, but they sure lack the EQ.

I don’t know what else to say. Do guys only really mature after they go into the army? But in the army, it is an all-male environment once again. Will this kind of thing really go away?

Fortunately there are some guys who know how to be tactful around girls. And I am very thankful for that. If I had to hang out with nothing but hyenas every day, I’d turn into one myself before long.

Hmm another thing that bothers me about some guys is how racist they can be. I heard from someone that HC guys seem to be known for that trait in general. HAHA for this I can only shake my head in disappointment and wonder when guys will really mature.

Ahhh I feel so random today. Let’s just post about anything and everything that comes to mind! Yeah. We should all relax once in a while. Talk cock. Play badminton. (Even better, play floorball XD) …Anything that takes our mind off studies! I even did this super random post on our class blog which I have never once visited in my life up till now!  

Hmm today was CSM which was our first event for the members of 2009/2010 Fac Comm! My throat actually died halfway through cheering. It felt like something was tearing… it really hurt like crap! That was the first time though. I never had any problems with my voice during orientation when we cheered and screamed even more than we did today. Oh well. Loads of warm water should help I guess.

Right now I’m listening to this song called 君が空だった (kimi ga sora datta) from the Mai-HIME anime! Don’t ask me why I watched such a girly anime (I’m not totally tomboy okay! I like cute things and girly stuff sometimes too! ><) And it’s a great song! Damn nice! Nice enough to make me put the lyrics here so I can reference whenever I feel like singing along!

Nah I was just kidding. I’ll put the link here though.

http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/myhime/kimigasora.htm

But I shall put the lyrics of another song here because this is another uber-cool song! Although you can’t find it on YouTube because it’s 10 years old XD The lyrics are in Jap. I couldn’t find an English translation and this is the one I use whenever I feel like singing along to it anyway!

愛の灯　～君とメリークリスマス～ 

SMAP

作詞： ERIKO

作曲： 堀込高樹

今日は　手もつながない

ちょっと　怒ってるのさ

街に出れば　どうにか　なるなんて

ぼくも　甘かったけれど

でもさ　お互いさまさ

ふたり　忙しい日々

途だえがちな　ことばのきれはし　つかまえて

とろけるような　キスをしようよ

「夢のように　風のように

ホントは愛してる」と　言えなくても

よりそえば

愛の灯がともる

泣いた　青春の日々

笑う　まだ少女の君

いつの間にか　時は過ぎ　恥ずかしい　季節が

終わっても　ふたり　歩いてこう

「夢のように　風のように

ホントは愛してる」と　言えなくても

よりそえば

銀の星が降る

この世界に生まれて生きて　めぐり逢う

ひとつひとつに

ぼくがぼくでいられるように・・・

途だえがちな　ことばのきれはし　つかまえて

とろけるような　キスをしようよ

「夢のように　風のように

ホントは愛してる」と　言えなくても

よりそえば

愛の灯がともる

「夢のように　風のように

ホントは愛してる」と　言えなくても

よりそえば

銀の星が降る

http://euromax.at.infoseek.co.jp/lyrics/smap/ainohi.htm

Many things have been happening around me such that I don’t even know where to start. Well, let’s see… Let’s start with the root of all problems: me.

Earlier this year, there was a guy (let’s call him A) who was… romantically inclined towards me. He confessed to me about it, but because it was so sudden, I turned him down almost immediately, because I felt that I was not ready to commit to a relationship.

A short while after that, another guy came along (let’s call him B) whom I felt attracted to. Under some strange circumstances, he knew about my feelings towards him, and we agreed that we would get to know each other better before doing anything else. But later, he seemed to be giving out the wrong signals: he was doing things that made me think he was in love with another girl. Whether he really was or not, I decided that I couldn’t go on like that with him, and we later agreed that we would remain as good friends, and nothing more.

A little while later, a guy (let’s call him C) popped out… okay he didn’t pop out. He was there a long time ago… He revealed that he had liked me since a long time ago. He knew about the existence of A, and of B, and he was someone that I could talk to. I had no feelings for him at the start, but as we got to know each other a little more, I felt that… it was possible… between us. After a while, he began to make his feelings known to me, and I decided that we could… try it out. So, we agreed to give each other a chance to get to know the other party better.

Now, let’s see. What does knowing a person for 2 years mean? Being in the same class and doing stuff together… Does that count as simply an acquaintance or can that person be someone that you might be able to talk to about your troubles?

Someone that I thought was a close friend whom I could count on for advice severely disappointed me. We worked together for certain events in the past, and we would chat with each other quite often as well. Recently, she began to give me the cold shoulder. When I actually went up to her to talk to her about any misunderstandings that might have occurred between the two of us, she actually said that it might not be worth talking to me about it at all. What does this mean? That she wouldn’t even bother about any opinion that I might have? That our friendship wasn’t worth salvaging?

But that’s not all. I told her about certain events in my life, such as my chaotic relationships with guys, and she actually feels disgusted with me for “encouraging people to fight on and then leave them hanging”. I thought she understood that I needed time to sort my feelings out, and that I wanted to get to know people more before I jumped into any kind of relationship. What is she suggesting by saying that I leave people hanging? That I am a flirt? That I toy with guys’ feelings? That I play with people’s emotions before abandoning them?  Is that what she thinks is happening? Is this what she thinks I am like, after knowing me for more than 2 years? I am hurt, and sorely disgusted that she could even think this way of me.

What should I do? I didn't believe that any friendship was so unimportant that it wasn't worth a second effort. I have no idea about what the other party wants to do, or doesn't want to do. I'll leave it to time to sort things out for now.

Over the course of campaigning for council, I realized that the council path is not one that I really want to take, and so…I thought about a lot of things! And finally I decided on Saturday that I didn’t want to continue campaigning, and I pulled out of it officially on Monday. Let me explain to everyone who reads this why exactly I pulled out of council! For the sake of everyone who asked me over these past few days.

Well, I have had friends who were in council, and I remember them being so busy with council stuff they rarely were able to go out with friends. It’s really hard to find a day where a group of people can actually make it for an outing, and then when you ask these council friends, they say OHNO they have council things to attend to. Sometimes it does get quite frustrating, even though we all know that it’s not their fault. It’s just that… because of council, we rarely get a chance to go out together and now we can’t even go out at all. I don’t think it’s what I want. Sure, it is the most awesome feeling to know that you’re making a difference in the school life of so many people, but sometimes, I just want to be a little selfish, you know? I want to be able to spend time with my friends, because I don’t want to miss hanging out with a wonderful group of people called 09S66. And there are other people I want to spend time with too…

I also have other commitments like schoolwork! For the first time in a long, long, long, long while… I’m failing my tests. I think this is the same for a lot of people too, but this is starting to worry me because I have really been slacking off. I used to be really hardworking in school (those who know me will definitely testify for me) but now I’m totally getting distracted by so many other things! I need to put in more effort in my work! Because no matter what, studies still come first, at least for me. And I do have high expectations of myself. I know that I can do it, so I should try my best! And I still need time to settle down in school and adapt to the new system. If I take on so many things at once, I’m afraid I’ll be even more of a letdown to everyone around me.

Floorball is another thing that I want to go for. I’ve wanted to join floorball ever since the sport was introduced as a PE module last year at Nanyang! It’s one of the coolest sports that I have ever played and I want to be able to enjoy this newly set-up CCA to the MAXIMUM! Of course, it’s not highly professional yet because we all are newbies at this sport, but we’ll work at it! And next year when we all go out for competitions, we hope to be able to achieve something! I don’t have to be in council to contribute to the school; we can always win something for the school! For HWA CHONG’s honour and glory!

And there’s one last major reason why I decided not to continue campaigning – during the whole campaign period, I felt quite stressed out by a lot of things. Like how people would perceive me, whether people would vote for me, what we should do for gimmicks the next day, what should I do about my math tutorial and ILP and PI… And sometimes, I’d just feel depressed because I felt like there were so many things going on and it was totally overwhelming me. There were quite a few times when some caring friends had to ask me if I was all right because I looked quite pale. It was hard to feel happy the way I usually am (maybe it was PMS O_o I’m not sure) but something definitely didn’t feel right. And to think that this isn’t even real council work yet!

Because I already am not all that enthusiastic about council, I feel guilty that I am still running for it. There are so many other people who want the post more than I do, and who are a lot more sincere and energetic compared to me. If I should get in, I wouldn’t feel happy knowing this. Hence my decision to pull out. It is better that I pull out now, even though it is a little last-minute. But I won’t ever regret running for council! Together with my campaign group (Ashleen, Harrison and Huiying <3), putting in effort and taking the time to plan and do stuff for council… it was all worth it! Because I’ve had new experiences that nothing can ever replace! And that’s more than enough for me. I want to apologize to the councilors for causing so much inconvenience. I also want to thank everyone who has given me support, and my council groupmates for being so understanding about it!

THANK YOU, EVERYONE! :D
 

Wow! I’m finally posting something after 3 weeks! Well, I’ve been tied up with stuff at school lately… because there was a really fun thing called DRAMAFESTE!

Let me tell you how it started. I was originally accompanying a friend to auditions since she was interested and I didn’t feel like going home just yet. XXX called me to come and take a look but I said I wasn’t going to do any acting. But SOMEHOW I ended up with a copy of the script in my hand. We began to read the lines out loud and because a CERTAIN SOMEBODY said my character was very much like Lise’s, I happened to get the part.

SOOO once rehearsals started, the cast and crew of Athena’s Dramafeste (okay I have to agree: this sounds damn cool) stayed back in school every weekday until 9 or so. We even came back to school on Saturday for rehearsals! Due to the fact that I usually go home at around 7 latest, my parents were quite annoyed that I was going home so late. I had no time to do any of my homework nor study for any tests (which is why I’m probably going to fail history and math this term… T.T), but there is something good to it: my math teacher is quite understanding about it. She didn’t complain when I didn’t finish my tutorials because she actually comes in to watch us rehearse (she’s one of the faculty teachers-in-charge!). But we’re not excused from any of the tests… Sigh.

Ahhhh… Now that it’s over and I finally have time to do work, I MISS DRAMAFESTE. Honestly it was such great fun! And now I have no more excuses not to do my work. And that really sucks.

I was watching a video of my performance and I realized that I acted really stiffly. I mean, yeah, I know I was supposed to be a world-weary and cynical character but honestly, there was no way I could have won any award on my own with that kind of acting. The female lead from Apollo was really a lot better. Sigh. I don’t really have a lot of experience with acting, much less acting shy and acting scared and pretending to be in love -.-

But anyway! Athena did really, really well! We won a lot of stuff and I’m just so proud of everyone. I hope Athena does equally well or even better next year! I LURVES ATHENA!!

Whoo~ shall end here because I have Chinese lesson now ><